Underworld:Evolution

Great film although lots of blood. Seriously, lots of it.

There’s a lot of killing. Pretty much everyone in the film get’s killed, so don’t bother empathising with anyone except maybe Kate Beckinsale and the Other dude (I have no idea of his name but his character is ‘Michael’ – why should I care, I’m not Barry Norman!)

Well not everyone, because there’s a cafe full of people, about 4 cops and a lorry driver who don’t get killed but pretty much Everyone else so my point remains valid (albeit long-winded)

I also have to get major credit to Len Wiseman, that guy must have an ego as big as a fuckin house. He is married to one of the most beautiful women in the world. (She’s on my ‘5 celebs I’m allowed to sleep with if I meet them’ list as permitted by Mrs S) He says “Of course you can do a very explicit sex scene darling with a pretty attractive guy – hey fuck that, why don’t I direct it?”

And so he sits there and wades through possibly hours of film (If i was this ‘Michael’ guy I would definitely be saying “I think I could do it better this time” or “Let’s try it with me banging her doggy-style, I think that’s what my character would be doing, y’know being a wolfman an’all”) looking for the best bits for public consumption.

Hats off to Len. (for that and for having a boring name, Len – is it sad that the first thing I think of when i hear the name ‘Len’ is Len Fairclough! – Don’t answer that – it is fucking sad!)

Good Omens

I spotted this on Aurellis’ Journal on Red vs Blue and thought it was fantasic

“Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett present New Year’s resolutions of the demon Crowley and the angelic Aziraphale — characters in Good Omens, publishing in February 2006…

Crowley:
Resolution #1: I must accept that Super-Gluing valuable coins to the sidewalk and then watching events from a nearby café is not proper demonic activity.
Resolution #2: The same applies to rearranging the letters on wayside pulpits.
Resolution #3: Try to come up with something as good as cell phone ringtones, following one last stab at convincing Downstairs that cell phone ringtones are right up there in the whole Human Misery stakes. And iPods. Has anybody Down There even said thank you for iPods? Or “Googling yourself?” Frankly, I deserve some kind of award for “Googling yourself.”
Resolution #4: I must encourage greedy people to use the term, “Low-hanging fruit,” because that’s just like old times.
Resolution #5: This year, I will get a desk near the window.
Resolution #6: I will try to understand why Hell is a no-smoking area. I just think it’s ridiculous having to stand around outside the gates, that’s all.
Resolution #7: On the orders of Head Office I will encourage the belief in Intelligent Design, because it upsets everyone.
Resolution #8: Stop Googling myself.

Aziraphale:

Resolution #1: Spread peace and love and glad tidings of great joy throughout the world. Also try to get out more.
Resolution #2: I will be charitable to people who use the term “core values,” however difficult this may be.
Resolution #3: Notwithstanding Resolution #2 (above), I will redouble my efforts to have the utterance of the phrase “core values” classified as a deadly sin. I believe Himself is with me on this one.
Resolution #4: I will try to be nicer to the customers. They want to buy books; I want to sell them. It can’t be that hard. (Memo to self: Regular opening hours? Mark prices on books?)
Resolution #5: I will try to be polite to Gabriel, no matter what the provocation.
Resolution #6: Find out exactly what an “Internet” is.
Resolution #7: Really must resume dancing lessons. Learn the “Galloping Major,” the “Gay Gordons,” the “Mashed Potatoes.” Possibly even the “Twist”?
Resolution #8: Thwart Infernal Wiles (ongoing).
Resolution #9: I will try to understand why Heaven is a non-smoking area.
Resolution #10: On the orders of Head Office I will encourage the belief in Intelligent Design – despite the fact that the human airway crosses the digestive tract. Who thought that was intelligent?
Resolution #11: Feed the ducks.”

I really like Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett as well.

Promotion

Well I got into work last Monday and one of the High Up Managers called me into her office. “Shit!” I thought “What the fuck have I done wrong ? And what have they found out about?”

Fortunately the answer to the first question was “Not a lot” and the answer to the second was “even less”. It turns out that I was being asked to implement a new project for the office. I was being (albeit temporarily) promoted (including a pay raise) and would be handing some of my day-to-day duties over to someone else. I immediately started planning which of my crappy duties I would be getting rid of and which I would be keeping.

I was soon brought back to earth with a jolt when I was told it wouldn’t start for another month though so I have a month to get things ready for the new guy.

I later found out I was one of 2 people who were considered for the job but I was the one that had the outright support of the senior managers. I thought that was really cool. The other guy is going to be pissed when he finds out though.

The rest of the week I kept busy just doing my day-to-day crap.

I have a presentation to give to the senior management next week and the presentations to prepare onto Powerpoint for an area conference on Friday. My week’s going to be busy I suspect.

At home Mrs S is doing well on her online sales and things are good between us, so it’s all gravy. I’m just waiting until the shit hits the fan because it can’t last – can it?

Weekend wasted ?

Well what have you done this weekend? I’ve had to do overtime (had to? well i need the cash so yes I HAD TO) then I took the little ‘un to the shops and afterwards made Mrs S some Caesar Salad.

This morning we had a lovely brunch at a friends house and then I pissed about with my new pc.

I’m knackered though because i’ve had to do all this with a sore throat and bad cough – I’ve been very ill but my disparaging friend has scorned my illness by dismissing it as (and i quote) “Man-Flu” – the fucker!

Poker Night

Poker Night was a success, for me anyway. I won the second game (£30.00) and came out £20.00 ahead at the end of the night. It was a good laugh and the lads are a good bunch – Mike will be hosting next time and then me the time after that. Everyone thought my poker table was cool, So I’ll be bringing that to Mike’s.

Poker

I’ve got Poker night tomorrow and I’m really looking forward to it. I’ve been swotting up and reading tips about playing. I’m playing against guys i’ve never played against before so i’m expecting to be well “schooled” (i.e. soundly beaten.)

Anyone got any tips for me? (assuming anyone actually reads this)

I don’t like….

… bloody tuesdays

Tuesdays are probably the day that I have most to do – without boring you (too late) I have to prepare some Business Statistics for the Senior Managers compiled from the work completed and still outstanding for the whole office then input them onto a shitty DOS machine and wait whilst an old printer prints out 30 pages of rubbish of which only 2 pages are ever read. I then have to copy this 12 times and distribute it to the managers. However before that’s done I have to sort all of the post for the office and redirect incorrect mail before opening and detailing all the recorded mail for the office dealing and getting it distributed. All before 11:00. buggers.

I’ve had a lovely eveing however as my friend who i haven’t seen for ages came over and we had a long and interesting chat.

I’m off to bed now.

Wasted Weekend.

I was working overtime today and i really wish I hadn’t bothered. 4 hours of hard manual work followed by 2 hours of mind numbing office work.

Then I traipsed around the shops with Mrs S and bought material for her Soft furnishings work.

The rest of my day was spent chatting to one stepson and building Lego models with the other before retiring to my pit to watch some TV before going to sleep.

Mrs S was busy ebaying and sewing whilst all this was going on (sic.).

Junior Levels….

well this is where it starts to get a little more interesting.

We start with the manager who for more than six months was sleeping with a very sexy member of staff who is a petite blonde who loves to wear tight short skirt and tight tops and is rumoured to be very sexual (described by one ex as ‘THE BEST shag he’s EVER had.’) Did I forget to mention she was 10 years older than him and had 2 kids? Oh and yes he was HER manager at the time. He then went on to start seeing a very sexy younger girl (a size 8 with huge breasts and a very curvy butt) – I think he made some sort of a deal with some devil or demon because there is nothing particularly special about him. (do i sound jealous? – cos I am.)

Then we get the sexy manager who has a sexy body who not only has had fun with one of the security guards (not frankenstein) but has also had fun with one of the better looking members of staff (despite them both being married).

Next comes the strange situation of the manager who is somewhat infatuated with a colleague and often drools over her and yet seems to have a VERY close relationship with another manager – lunches, close talks, emails and messages. ( Again they are both in relationships with other people.)

Then we have the uptight manager who used to dress like a real tart before she was promoted (to the point that she was ‘talked to’ about the length [or lack thereof] of her skirt) yet now she comes across with a prudish attitude which has to be heard to be beleived and is as lazy as fuck.

mid level

The division managers all seem to be a dull bunch – most of them seem not to have a life. The only one who seems to have any vaguely interesting past is the guy who was married to a manager in another part of the regional office who had a stroke at his desk in his mid-thirties and who now lives with his boyfriend.